FootyFoxy United Holdings Group

Investing in the Beautiful Game — and Everything Smart Around It.

FootyFoxy United Holdings Group is a global investment group backing bold ideas at the intersection of football and questionable genius. From matchday merchandise to style-verified sportswear, we find the opportunities where everyone else sees offside.

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Our Thesis

FootyFoxy United Holdings Group identifies overlooked ventures where football meets ambition — however loosely defined. We don't chase unicorns. We chase legends and the occasional questionable business model.

€2.3B
Assets Under Mockery
9
Portfolio Companies
0
Unicorns Funded
∞
Confidence

Portfolio

A curated selection of the visionary ventures we're proud — and legally obligated — to disclose.

Insurance against acts of God — specifically the 1986 one. Claims are settled by hand.

Invested in Series C · 2025

Personal branding SaaS by Zlatan Labs that communicates exclusively in the third person.

Invested in Series C · 2024

An AI model that always concludes VAR made the wrong call. 99.9% agreement rate with angry fans.

Invested in Series B · 2022

Blockchain-verified authentication for Lionel Messi's match-worn socks. Every fiber, NFT-certified.

Invested in Series A · 2021

Actuarial modeling firm forecasting the trajectory, hang-time, and dramatic value of Neymar's falls.

Invested in Series A · 2019

Cloud platform tracking the precise dimensions of Cristiano Ronaldo's shorts, season over season.

Invested at Seed stage · 2017

Boutique law firm exclusively disputing red cards. Undefeated in the court of public opinion.

Invested at Seed stage · 2016

Cryptocurrency backed by Luis Suárez's dental records. Every transaction leaves a mark.

Invested at ICO (token launch) · 2014

Executive conflict-resolution coaching inspired by Zinedine Zidane's 2006 World Cup final. Direct, decisive, unforgettable.

Invested at Seed stage · 2010

All portfolio companies are proud members of FootyFoxy United Holdings Group.

FootyFoxy · Annual Portfolio Report

Portfolio company since 2025

HandOfGod Insurance

Cover against acts of God. One in particular.

reference year
1986
claims paid out
0
FootyFoxy stake
15%

HandOfGod Insurance covers damage caused by acts of God, with a special focus on the one from 1986. Policies are signed by hand and claims are settled by hand.

The fine print, written in very small handwriting, states that a goal scored by hand is deemed divine and therefore uninsurable.

A little with the policy, a little with the hand of God.

HandOfGod Insurance brochure
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FootyFoxy · Annual Portfolio Report

Portfolio company since 2024

Ego-as-a-Service Zlatan Labs

Zlatan Labs does not do personal branding. Personal branding does Zlatan Labs.

messages in the third person
100%
lion per premium client
1
FootyFoxy stake
12%

Ego-as-a-Service rewrites all of a client's communication into the third person. Emails, wedding speeches and apologies alike.

Premium clients also receive a lion that appears in their video calls unannounced.

Ego-as-a-Service does not need investors. Investors need Ego-as-a-Service.

Ego-as-a-Service, about Ego-as-a-Service
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FootyFoxy · Annual Portfolio Report

Portfolio company since 2022

OffsideAI

Artificial intelligence with genuine fan emotions.

agreement with angry fans
99.9%
correct calls acknowledged
0
FootyFoxy stake
22%

OffsideAI was trained on forty years of pub arguments, radio phone-ins and comment sections. The model reviews any VAR decision in 0.3 seconds and always reaches the same conclusion: it was wrong.

The remaining 0.1% of cases are being investigated as a possible hardware fault.

The algorithm saw it. Everyone saw it.

OffsideAI press release, 94th minute
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FootyFoxy · Annual Portfolio Report

Portfolio company since 2021

SockGOAT.io

The world's only sock authentication platform.

socks authenticated
14
fakes exposed
2,311
FootyFoxy stake
18%

SockGOAT.io was founded in 2019, when its founder found a sock at Barcelona airport that, in his words, “smelled of victory”. Since then the company has built the only platform in the world that verifies Lionel Messi's match-worn socks.

Every item goes through the blockchain, a UV lamp and an olfactory panel of three independent experts. The result is an NFT certificate worth more than the sock itself.

Trust no one. Trust the thread.

Founder of SockGOAT.io, signing the term sheet in a laundromat
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FootyFoxy · Annual Portfolio Report

Portfolio company since 2019

DiveTrack Analytics

Actuarial science for the art of falling.

rolls per fall on average
4.7
average hang-time
1.8 s
FootyFoxy stake
27%

DiveTrack Analytics models every fall in professional football: trajectory, hang-time, number of rolls and the probability of a yellow card for the opponent.

Its flagship index, measured on a scale from 1 to Neymar, is used by referees, insurers and drama schools alike.

Gravity is only a suggestion.

Head of Research, DiveTrack Analytics
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FootyFoxy · Annual Portfolio Report

Portfolio company since 2017

ShortKing Ventures

Precision measurement of the most famous shorts in football.

lost since 2017
−4.2 cm
seasons of data, backfilled
38
FootyFoxy stake
35%

ShortKing Ventures began as a spreadsheet kept by a tailor who noticed that a certain Portuguese forward's shorts got shorter every season. In 2017 the spreadsheet moved to the cloud and became a company.

Today the platform tracks hem length to a tenth of a millimetre and forecasts the season in which the shorts will officially become briefs.

Every centimetre is a statement.

Chief Tailor, ShortKing Ventures
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FootyFoxy · Annual Portfolio Report

Portfolio company since 2016

PenaltyBox Legal

Every red card deserves a second opinion. And a third.

appeals filed
1,204
appeals won
0
FootyFoxy stake
40%

PenaltyBox Legal is a boutique law firm that has appealed every red card shown since 2016, including several from other sports.

The firm has never won a case in court. In the court of public opinion it has never lost one.

My client was looking at the ball. The ball was behind the opponent's ankle.

Senior Partner, PenaltyBox Legal, closing argument
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FootyFoxy · Annual Portfolio Report

Portfolio company since 2014

BiteCoin

The first cryptocurrency with teeth.

documented bites
3
teeth in reserve
32
FootyFoxy stake
9%

BiteCoin launched in the summer of 2014, shortly after a certain Uruguayan striker demonstrated a new form of proof-of-work at the World Cup.

Every coin is backed by a certified dental impression. Mining is done exclusively by hand. Well, by mouth.

Our token never loses value. It only leaves marks.

BiteCoin whitepaper, chapter 3: Dentition
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FootyFoxy · Annual Portfolio Report

Portfolio company since 2010

HeadFirst Consulting

Conflict resolution. Directly.

decisive move per meeting
1
meetings that ran over time
0
FootyFoxy stake
51%

HeadFirst Consulting was FootyFoxy's very first investment, signed in 2010 in the same pub where the group was founded. Its coaching method is inspired by the 2006 World Cup final.

Workshops are short, decisive and usually end earlier than planned.

Use your head. Literally.

Lead Coach, HeadFirst Consulting
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Our Journey

From one pub table to nine portfolio companies — every milestone carefully curated and occasionally fact-checked.

  1. FootyFoxy is founded

    Born in a pub after a heated offside debate. Starting capital: one round of drinks.

  2. HeadFirst Consulting

    Our first investment · Seed stage

  3. BiteCoin

    ICO (token launch)

  4. PenaltyBox Legal

    Seed stage

  5. ShortKing Ventures

    Seed stage

  6. VAR arrives at the World Cup

    We immediately pivot to disagreeing with it professionally.

  7. DiveTrack Analytics

    Series A

  8. Empty stadiums

    Stands empty, confidence full. Our ego remained fully vaccinated.

  9. SockGOAT.io

    Series A

  10. OffsideAI

    Series B

  11. Ego-as-a-Service

    Series C

  12. HandOfGod Insurance

    Series C

  13. Today

    Still zero unicorns. Plenty of legends.

Leadership

The visionaries steering the ship — occasionally offside.

Václav N.

Chairman & CEO (speaks only in the third person)

Archibald K.

Director of Offside Strategy

  • A. D.

    Head of Dramatic Falls

  • A. W.

    Head of Time-Wasting Operations

  • A. R.

    Head of Bench Strategy

Arthur G.

Director of Divine Intervention

  • A. S.

    Head of Dental Due Diligence

  • A. Z.

    Head of Conflict Resolution

  • A. P.

    Head of Penalty Excuses

Alfred M.

Director of Being Special

  • A. F.

    Head of the Sock Authentication Section

  • A. B.

    Head of Hairstyle Equity